ego

my words of wisdom for the day:
the sad lives of pathetic women are much more pathetic than the sad lives of pathetic men because pathetic men still have egos and that, at least, makes them interesting.

i had the best day of my life the other day, and that is saying a lot. well, the best hour anyway, you know when everything seems likes it's going to be o.k. it was shit cold outside, freezing toes and fingers cold and i was sitting with my good friend bryan in the cancer survivors park in front of a little fountain smoking little brown clove cigs. it's the simple things i guess. in this time of reflection i have looked back and back to find something worthwhile, and you know what? not much. i'd have to say my kids are worthwhile; there's nothing quite like having children. but beyond that, pretty much zilch. how lame. so, here is to an un-lame life. taat.

adult bookstore

ok, so the other day i met my friend aaron for a beer downtown, and then we went to the adult bookstore. (that first sentence makes my gender very obvious - lame) anyway, i've never been before. i even saw someone i knew. ok, i didn't really know him, but the guy had tried to sell me greeting cards in a parking lot once. there were a couple of chicks there, but i was the only one browsing - for an hour. the most surprising thing: pooper plugs. the coolest: three feet long, two sided dongs, pink. the thing i almost bought: penis shaped cookie cutters. i'll have to go back to check out the video viewing booths. i wonder if you can bring a friend in with you?

i'm so happy i don't feel like me

i'm so happy i don't feel like me. a line from a radiohead movie, awsome line. i'm trying to watch this flick with my friend aaron and my mom is @#%%** drunk and talking really loud. it's always kind of annoying when one's mom is drunk and disrupting a movie. symbology, is that even a word? i'm so happy i don't feel like me. i'm so happy i don't feel like me. when will the time come that it no longer matters? i'm holding a handfull of threads that make up the rest of my life. some of them are fraying. they are always shifting depending on the choices that i make, the happenstances of my life. i can't quite see where they go. but can anyone? you're so fucking special. another line from the movie. i like it. anything worth doing is not going to be easy. cutting edge noise.

more commas

so, then, yeah, um. bryan told me i should use more commas, because then i'd be cool like him. mmmm . . . . then we painted our nails black. i, um, need, aaah, more commas.

resolutions

i still need to figure out how the spell check works. it will be very important because my spelling can be so bad at times that i can't even find my word in the dictionary. shit, it's only 4:30 on a week day and i'm already tipsy. what was i going to say? i didn't really have a plan. my un-named resolution of last year was to 'get out more'. that's pretty fucking general, and somewhat pathetic, but when you are a stay at home mom of two young children, it sounds good. so far, it has been good. i'll have to come up with a new, new years resolution now even though i'm just getting into the swing of last years. right now my kids are fighting about who is going to clean up their mess. it's loud. i'm back from helping them. well, i lost my momentum.

for bryan

do i have to have a title? they always make me nervous, like expectations. this first listing will be dedicated to bryan, who set this thing up for me and is threatening to kill me if i don't start writing in it NOW. today i ran into this guy, mike, that i used to work with when i was a waitress. i was 16 to22 (that's a long ass time to be a waitress). anyway, he told me i was the prototype for all his girlfriends, and he was all nervous and shit when he was talking to me. that's flattering. so, my question of the day: is it better to have high(or any) expectations and risk being crushed, or to not have any expectations and be happy if anything good happens, but risk exsisting in mediocraty. i only know of one person who is going to read this, but what the hell. my epiphany of the day: nobody really has their shit together, and nobody really knows what the fuck they are talking about. even if they look and sound like they do. ok, so it took me a long time to figure that one out. i hope the spell check works on this thing.